I know I haven't wrote in awhile, and I know exactly why. I have been thinking about what I want from my life, whether I want to make others happy and do what is expected of me. Or do I want to pursue life in my own messy way. My sister was so wise when she said (or mumbled) "Just pick something and do it." That's where I get stuck - just making a solid concrete decision. I could try it out and always revise my course of action but I let fear control me. My not so closet fear is fear itself. Somehow even as a child of God I let Fear boss me around and tell me that I am limited. I doubt myself , I doubt my writing ability. I doubt every action I take everyday. The saddest part is my fear controls me but it affects the ones I love!
I have these dreams for my life, and I'm what's holding me back.
I wonder whether I could cut it as an author, can I truly discipline myself to write everyday and then send my work out to be judged??
Could I get a part-time job to earn money towards my goal of off grid-living? Am I willing to put in the time to research and learn the skills I need?
Should I just go back to college and work towards a degree and a career??
These are the thoughts that plague me constantly. I am not sure how to choose what is best, what is God's will. I have been praying for answers and been confronted with silence. So the question of the day is can I make a choice and once I do, can I live with that decision . What's best for me and would be the most God honoring choice.........